Apollo would certainly never say that getting on Grindr is rock bottom for everyone. It's just certainly rock bottom for him.

It's getting to that time of year for him that he hates. The weather gets colder, the days get shorter, and work somehow gets even more monotonous. Apollo's daughter is back to school—not that he got to spend enough time with her during the summer, anyway. Apollo has a better-than-average time during the summer when he can find plenty of places to be surrounded by people, but fall and winter are rough. Why shouldn't he seek out someone to share warmth with?

Apollo's not really expecting any matches right off the bat. He joined the app out of reckless curiosity, and none of his pictures look very appealing in his opinion. The longer he swipes right on gorgeous young men in their prime, the worse he feels.

He's just about considering closing the app and deleting in shame when a profile catches his eye. Valoren. 24. The most beautiful creature Apollo's ever laid eyes on stares sultrily at a mirror, a tantalizing amount of hip showing that makes it obvious the man isn't wearing any pants. Or underwear, for that matter.

Apollo stares at the profile for a few moments too long before swiping right, his heart beating a little too fast for his liking.

Valoren hasn't taken his phone off silent mode since the day he got it. People these days were entirely too glued to their technological demons, he'd decided. It helps that he doesn't have a job where he works with others. The obscene amount of money he'd made off his debut novel ensured he was beholden to no manager. Should his friends wanted his attention, they could wait until it was unspoken for. And if it was an emergency, well, they could always call twice to notify him anyway.

So when the Grindr notification chimes from inside his backpack, he nearly jumps out of his skin. The cafe is busy enough that the sound didn't carry far, but he caught a few queer glances regardless. Valoren scrambles to find the damn thing and flick it back to silent. Wretched device. The little switch thingy must've been flipped in my bag.

Well, he's here now, he might as well check the offending alert. He takes a sip of his iced coffee and nearly chokes on it when he sees who was confident enough to shoot their shot with him. Apollo. 46. "call it rock bottom because life is fucking me in the ass.'

The instant Valoren has stopped coughing on coffee, he swipes right. Apollo's photography is on the wrong side of middling, but the blonde hunk's looks are nothing to sneeze at. Or cough about, as it were. What's more, he's got a look in his eyes that absolutely fascinates Valoren. It feels as though he's yearning for something. And it's the bio that sealed the deal. Valoren admires a man who can be that unabashedly pathetic — and clever enough to joke about it.

It's been less than a minute since he got the notification, and he's already typing a message to Apollo. The man would never work up the courage to reach out first, and Valoren is not letting this connection miss.

Your bio made me choke on my coffee! I think it's only fair that you take me on a date so I can get a new one. What's your go-to order, handsome?

The notification scares the living daylights out of Apollo. Even more frighteningly, he's got a message. From Valoren. Beautiful 24-year-old Valoren. Oh Gods, Apollo had just taken a pass at someone half his age and been reciprocated.

Even worse, now there are stakes. Valoren must not have very high standards for company if he's throwing Apollo a bone, so if he fucks this up, there isn't much hope for him.

Usually a flat white, Mr Keep-away-from-sunlight. Don't you think it's a little risky to message someone named Apollo?

If Apollo is desperate, he isn't letting it show. His message isn't instant enough to reek of simp, and there's that wit again. Valoren is blissfully unaware of the smirk on his lips as he tip-taps out a reply.

Read the fine print, did you? That makes you smarter than most. Glad you're not just a pretty face~

Before Apollo can respond again, Valoren sends a second message. A double-text would usually put him at a social disadvantage, but he doubts Apollo knows or cares about such petty etiquette mind games. And besides, what he's about to send is bold enough to render those games forfeit.

I'm at Clover Coffee right now. Show up in the next fifteen minutes and that flat white is on me.

Apollo sends up a thanks to whichever capricious deity rules over his continuous downward spiral that he didn't put his phone down. — Clover Coffee is a 10 minute drive away, which leaves Apollo 5 minutes to pull on a more presentable shirt, hastily pull a comb through his hair, and get out the door. He nearly leaves his phone behind in his haste.

It's not until he's looking for a parking spot that he questions why he left the house. His body had moved before his mind caught up, and now he's about to show up to an impromptu... date. He's going on a date. Where does he get the audacity?

He decides not to think too hard about where this could lead. It's just a coffee. There's no need to put too much meaning into it, he reassures himself.

Apollo blows through the door of Clover Coffee 17 minutes after he received Valoren's text, trying not to look too frantic as he scans the cafe. Is he too late?

Apollo doesn't respond. There's no message, no typing. And then he goes offline.

Fuck. So that was it, then. Valoren had gotten too cocky, and his shot had missed. Apollo hadn't unmatched them, though, so... what if he was going to show up after all? Maybe he'd just been in a rush to meet Valoren's deadline. Perhaps....

Valoren tries to go back to writing. It's nothing, he tells himself. You get half a dozen matches a day. Get over it.

And yet, no amount of lying to himself can cover up the way his stomach twists as the minutes march on. Nor can he deny the way his heart accelerates beyond what the coffee could be credited for. And the way he bites his lower lip can't be passed off as anything but his nervous tic.

Fifteen minutes comes and goes.

Valoren keeps waiting. It's stupid, and he hates himself for it, but he's as good as glued to his chair. Knock it off, dumbass. Hope only gets you hurt.

And then the cafe door chimes, and in walks Apollo, looking like a former Hollywood heartthrob. And also looking.... for Valoren, presumably.

Valoren nearly spills coffee on his laptop in his haste to stand and wave to his date. He was a fool to have worried, honestly. Apollo's arrival has cleared his anxiety as sure as sun chasing off an early morning fog.

"Right on time, darling!" Valoren lies cheerfully. "Another thirty seconds and you'd be paying for your own drink!"

Thank the gods, he's still here. Apollo waves awkwardly, hoping he doesn't look too disheveled. "I'm sorry I made you wait," he says, sliding into the chair opposite Valoren. Now that the rush of getting there on time has been replaced with relief that he made it, his nerves are slowly returning. Valoren is so impeccably put together, Apollo feels like the ugly duckling next to him.

Now that Valoren's stomach has unfurled itself as he eases into Apollo's presence, he realizes he's been sitting here hunched over his laptop for some hours.

"Nonsense, you were here in perfect time," Valoren reassures him. Gods, those undone buttons on his shirt were doing him all the favors. "Now that you've arrived, I must admit the coffee has gotten to me. I was loathe to leave my laptop and bag unattended, but I do need to use the restroom. Can you watch my things? I won't be but a moment."

True to his word, Valoren is back in record time. Coffee had its consequences, but he didn't want to miss a moment more of his date than he had to. His heart lurches as he sees Apollo waiting for him. Without thinking, Valoren plants a kiss on that blonde head, right between the fluffy ears. He sits down and wonders what the hells possessed him.

"Thank you, sweetheart. And everything just how I left it! You make an excellent guard dog."

"Of course," Apollo says, grateful for the opportunity to get his shit together. He doesn't mean to snoop at Valoren's screen, but his eyes just... end up there. Why didn't Valoren close his laptop? Apollo considers doing so himself, but his eyes are already traveling along the words. It's some sort of fictional novel—perhaps a mystery, or even a romance. Just the kind of thing Apollo likes. It takes him several minutes to realize the lunatic is writing his novel on Tumblr.

Apollo jumps a little as he feels the gentle press of lips to his head. If it had been anyone else, it would have put him off, but he can feel his heart melting just a little bit as he watches Valoren wiggle into his seat.

"I didn't touch anything," Apollo says truthfully. "But I couldn't help but notice you're writing on... Tumblr?" Apollo feels a rush of excitement. He hasn't had an opportunity to discuss this sort of thing with anyone in a long, long time. "You know, I'd call you crazy, but one of my favorite authors writes using tumblr, too." Apollo doesn't add that he still thinks it's an unhinged thing to do.

Valoren can't help but chuckle, seeing how Apollo lights up. It's like watching a golden retriever whose owner just came home.

"Seriously? I thought I was the only one! More people should make use of its drafts function, honestly. It's got automatic saving, encrypted cloud storage, rich text and markdown editors, a robust tagging system, and even a mobile app. What's not to love!" Valoren should probably be worried about his next novel being leaked, but he doesn't take Apollo for the type. If he's another literature lover, then he's sure to respect an author's craft. And besides, he just seems trustworthy.

Apollo tilts his head a little, unintentionally furthering the golden retriever look. He's heard that before. Those exact words, in fact. Apollo doesn't want to make any assumptions, but he's got a hunch...

"Are you an August Rose fan as well? They said the exact same thing about using Tumblr to write," Apollo asks, his voice betraying no suspicion. Either way, it's nice to talk to a writer. And Apollo is wholly relieved that he and Valoren already seem to be hitting it off. See? What were you so worried about in the first place? You're just talking.

BUSTED. Valoren's pen name was a closely guarded secret. He'd gone to great lengths to ensure zero connection between his personal and authorial identities. And here he'd gone and quoted himself verbatim to this handsome stranger. Well, might as well own it.

"You could say that! It's true that an author should be their own primary audience — because if you don't enjoy your writing, then nobody else will!"

A light flush rises to Valoren's cheeks as a thought occurs to him.

"Wait... did you say I'm one of your favorite authors?"

He'd never met a fan of his writing before. It was popular enough to make him a modest fortune, and it had garnered him some press, but to speak to someone who actually admired his work... Valoren's blushing down to the tips of his ears now.

Now it's Apollo's turn to blush, although his is much subtler. Shit... this isn't how he had anticipated this whole thing going down. Not only is his date charming and beautiful, but he's also talented. And successful, if the sales records are anything to go by. If Apollo didn't feel like a schmuck before, he certainly does now.

"I—well, yes," Apollo admits. "Your debut was just so clever. I have a fondness for reading romance that's a little... much, to say the least. That's why I picked the book up. But you surprised me, and I was hooked until the end."

Apollo suddenly realizes that he probably just read a not-insignificant chunk of the August Rose's much-anticipated next book. "Of course, I won't tell a soul about what you're working on," he stammers. Is this what his daughter means when she talks about "fangirling"?

Valoren smiles, overcome with affection. He lays his hand on Apollo's leg to still its anxious bouncing.

"I trust you," he says simply. Damn, Apollo is cute when he's flustered. A sudden urge grips Valoren to clamp his teeth around Apollo's neck and shake him like a ragdoll. Where did that come from?!

"Well, now that the cat's out of the bag — the rose is out of the garden? — you can see why I wanted to pay for your coffee," Valoren chuckles. "What about you? What do you do for a living?"

He doesn't even realize he's kept his hand on Apollo's thigh.

Apollo's ears visibly droop, which he seems unaware of. It's been so long since he's gone on a date, he's forgotten that people ask these kinds of questions. He's equally unprepared to answer them.

"I, uh... I work in a warehouse. I'm forklift certified, which apparently the internet finds funny." Oh, god, someone please put him down right now. Like a dog. It doesn't help that he's so keenly aware of Valoren's touch on his leg, like his hand is burning through Apollo's jeans and making him feel hot. Is Valoren somehow into this? Apollo wouldn't be surprised if he got laid due to sheer pity. Valoren is so far out of his league, Apollo has skipped past all 5 stages of grief and arrived at acceptance.

Valoren notices the way Apollo's ears lower. He sounds so sad and defeated when he says it, like the only redeeming part of his occupation is that he might be taken as a joke. Hearing that, Valoren's heart is not only thawed, not only melted, but warmed through, like he'd drank a shot of bourbon. Huh. He didn't know it could do that.

Valoren pours that warmth into a smile. "So that's where those muscles came from! And honestly, operating heavy machinery like that is more impressive than anything. I can barely drive a car! The county traffic court would argue that I should not, in fact, be driving said car, but I settled that case, so... anyway." Valoren grins, abashed. "You got here in perfect time. Do you live close, or do you just happen to be in the area?"

How did Valoren do that? Spin Apollo's abject patheticness into a positive? He even gets a laugh out of Apollo. "Looks like you won that particular argument, so I don't see an issue," he says, relieved that the awkwardness has passed. "I live about ten minutes' drive away, which is why I was a bit late, I'm afraid... "

Conversation with Valoren comes easily, like the two of them are totally in sync. The whole time, Apollo is seeing Valoren less like a job interview for a hookup and more like a friend. A close one. Half an hour goes by in the blink of an eye, and Apollo doesn't even realize it's closing time until the staff start unsubtly closing up shop.

Apollo offers to take Valoren home, which the man readily accepts. Apollo hadn't shown up with the intent of getting laid, so even though this outing had gone better than his wildest dreams, he hovers outside Valoren's door, unwilling to go in. "Well... I guess this is where I leave you," he says with a smile.

Valoren didn't think Apollo could get any more sweetly adorable, but now he was going to leave Valoren at his door like a perfect gentleman? I want to eat him alive.

"Leave me? Oh, honey. Don't tell me somebody convinced you Grindr is an app for "male friendship.'" Valoren chuckles. "You're under no obligation to stay, of course, but I would rather like to continue getting to know you — in the bedroom or out of it. We need't do more than talk if you wish. But I do have quite the well-stocked liquor cabinet, and a stint as a bartender under my belt. Stay for a drink?"

Valoren resists the urge to take Apollo's hand and drag him bodily through the threshold. But he wants to make sure his date is comfortable. Valoren hadn't gone on a proper date in some months. Though his bedroom was a revolving door of hookups, he never took the time to get to know any of them. Hells, he'd forgotten most of their names already.

Apollo's name is already tattooed on his heart.

Oh, of course. Why is he acting like a high schooler taking a girl on a first date? It feels that way with Valoren, though. He can't help it. "It's been a while." he says sheepishly. "I would love to have a drink."

Apollo has barely entered the apartment when he's confronted by a small, skulking creature. Upon further inspection, it appears to be a hairless cat.

"Shit... I forgot to mention my cat," Valoren says from behind Apollo. "I usually don't leave him out when I have company because he's not friendly—"

The cat sniffs Apollo daintily before beginning to purr, butting his head against Apollo's ankle and rubbing against him. "He seems to like me well enough," Apollo says, giving the cat a gentle scratch behind the ears.

"Simon?!" Valoren gasps dramatically. "Could it be that you've finally learned some manners? Have you done the math and realized that mauling my guests means being put in the crate?"

Simon stops rubbing against Apollo to shoot Valoren a death glare capable of freezing hells. Valoren gets a chill down his spine. Then the cat goes right back to loving on Apollo, pleased as punch.

Valoren pats Apollo's shoulder. "Well, you've officially reached the upper echelons. This is the first time Simon has ever liked somebody I brought home. I'm the only one he tolerates, and that's just because I feed and house the overgrown rat."

He scooches past his- past Apollo and Simon, making his way to the kitchen. True to his word, the cabinet is replete with various spirits.

"Pick your poison, darling!"

"Whiskey sound good? You have some good stuff here..." Apollo muses, looking over the cabinet.

He would have thought drinking would be a one-way ticket to taking his pants off, but he ends up just lounging on Valoren's couch, unable to move due to Simon taking up residence on his lap. Apollo does end up relocating the mewling raw chicken cutlet to help Valoren cook dinner, which feels so natural and casual for being a first date. And this had all started as an impromptu meetup for coffee...

"I'll take care of the dishes, you've done more than enough as a guest!" Valoren waltzes off back to the kitchen, leaving Apollo fighting to stay awake on the couch. He knows he's a goner when Simon returns to loaf on Apollo's chest, purring all the while, but surely he can keep his eyes open just until Valoren comes back...

When his eyes open next, it's the middle of the night, and he's still on Valoren's couch. Oops.

Valoren had let Apollo sleep on the couch. The man must be tired. Besides, Simon was still perched on his chest like a malevolent gargoyle, and Valoren didn't fancy attempting to move him. And so Valoren had curled up in his bed, scrolling his phone until his eyes got heavy. There wasn't much to look at. An email from his editor, a couple messages to a group chat, a handful of new matches on Grindr. Valoren ignored them all.

As he fell asleep, he noticed a new ache in his chest. He'd come to think of that emptiness inside him as a simple gap — a space where there was nothing. Now, it feels like an absence. Like he's missing something that should be there, but isn't. Or someone.

Valoren knew a good night's sleep was too good to be true. He'd drifted off so easily, he wondered if maybe tonight he'd avoid the nightmare. It finds him anyway. In the dead of night, he's back there, in his room, his arms, his control. And it hurts. And he has no choice. And then it's over, and he's sitting up in bed with a shuddering gasp.

The hole behind his ribs has grown.

Valoren creeps to the kitchen for a glass of water. When he passes by the couch, he checks on Apollo. The man looks younger when he's not carrying the burdens of his waking life. Softer.

Valoren's empty heart lurches. It knows what's missing.

Before Apollo could wake up to see his host looming over him, Valoren moves on. The glass of water is hard to swallow past the lump in his throat, but he forces it down anyway. His trembling hands cause the glass to clink as he sets it on the counter. Shit. I hope I didn't wake him.

It takes Apollo a moment or two to re-orient himself, but when he comes to, his eyes adjust to the dark enough to notice someone moving around in the kitchen. "Valoren?" he calls hoarsely. He tries to get up, but realizes Simon is still on his chest, nestled right between his pecs.

"Sorry, little one." Simon must be a kitten or some sort of miniature breed, because he's so small that Apollo can lift him with one hand. Or perhaps Apollo just has large hands. Apollo rubs his eyes as he meanders over to where Valoren is standing. "Can't sleep?"

Valoren relaxes without realizing it as Apollo finds him. "I... had a nightmare," he admits. "Nothing new or uniquely terrible, mind you. Just... well, you'd think I might've gotten used to it by now."

He fidgets with his water glass. Usually he went through these nightmares alone. He was able to handle that fine, but waking up next to a stranger was what really sent him into despair. A couple times, he'd woken up in such a blind panic that he'd scared his hookup into leaving in the middle of the night. Once, he'd told a man to get out.

Perhaps it's because Apollo had slept on the couch, or because they hadn't actually had sex, or because they'd actually gotten to know each other a little. Valoren can't put his finger on why, but instead of worse, having Apollo here makes him feel better.

"I wouldn't say so. Nightmares are nightmares—they just happen sometimes, and you shouldn't feel bad for letting them scare you." Apollo hesitates a little before gently rubbing Valoren's back, the way he used to when his daughter would wake up from a bad dream.

"I'm sorry for falling asleep on your couch, by the way." Apollo can't help but feel partially responsible for Valoren's current state. He also can't believe Valoren didn't wake him up and kick him out. "I can head out now."

Valoren leans into Apollo's touch. A soft sigh escapes him at his comforting words.

"Sorry? I should be apologizing for the crick in your neck — and thanking you for providing Simon's new favorite cat bed," he smiles. Then Apollo suggests leaving, and Valoren feels a tug from between his ribs. "Don't. Please." Without meaning to, he finds himself curling into Apollo's chest, much like his cat had. "I want you to stay."

"I'm not as limber as I was at your age, I'm afraid," Apollo says, chuckling. He jumps a little when Valoren curls into him, before hesitantly wrapping his arms around him. "I don't want to impose, but you're not in the best shape right now, are you?" The hairs on the back of Apollo's neck stand on end when he realizes Valoren isn't wearing pants. Or...maybe he is? He's wearing an oversized band hoodie that could be covering a pair of very short shorts. "I can stay over. Just put me wherever you need me."

This man is used to being told what to do, isn't he. Valoren gets a slightly clearer picture of the ex-wife he'd mentioned. Unhelpfully, Valoren's head goes straight to... well, his other head. Not the time! Down, boy. Though, that phrasing can't have been entirely accidental, right?

"Wherever I need you, hmm?" Valoren repeats, his voice dropping to an almost sultry tone. "Then... let's take this to my bedroom." Valoren presses his hips back into Apollo, before taking his hand and gently tugging him along.

Apollo follows Valoren into the bedroom like a lost little puppy. He doesn't really feel like going to bed in jeans, but he can't just start unbuttoning them in someone else's bedroom, so he opts for simply taking his shirt off.

This probably isn't a hookup anymore, is it...? Truth be told, Apollo has no litmus for how weird or casual this whole thing is. It's probably ass o'clock in the morning, and he can tell both he and Valoren just want to go back to sleep. He lays down on the opposite side of the bed, stiff as a board.

It's absolutely endearing how Apollo positions himself at the very edge of the mattress, his hands folded neatly over his tummy. He didn't even take off his pants.

"Don't tell me you're one of those lunatics who sleeps in jeans," Valoren teases gently. The smile is audible in his voice. "And it's okay to touch me, you know. I don't bite." Valoren pauses. "Well, or I won't, rather. Tonight. Unless you ask me to."

"I would rather not sleep in jeans, but I thought taking them off in your bedroom might be a little incendiary," Apollo says dryly. His voice softens. "I won't touch you unless you ask. As for biting... well, we'll see, won't we?" He winks playfully before pulling off his jeans.

"I just want you to have a good night's sleep. So whatever you need... I'm at your beck and call."

His heart just won't shut up, will it? It hadn't stirred since before... well, not in months. And now suddenly it's like a cat yowling and scratching from inside his ribcage. I won't touch you unless you ask. Whatever you need...

Slowly, Valoren cuddles up against Apollo. He drapes an arm across his broad chest, threads his leg between Apollo's, and lays his head on the crook of a shoulder that feels made for him. Valoren can't tell if the warmth he feels is from Apollo's body or his own flush, but it's nice. Really nice. Valoren presses his lips softly to Apollo's cheek in a ghost of a kiss.

"Thank you," he whispers.

Oh... this is nice. Apollo's been sleeping alone for far too long, because once Valoren's bestowed his touch on him, he finds himself craving it, settling his arm around Valoren's waist and turning to kiss Valoren's forehead. Apollo finds himself staring longingly at Valoren's lips, filled with an uncharacteristic new audacity. "Can I... ?" he asks.

Valoren's hookups don't ask.

It's enough to put cracks in the illusion he'd so carefully crafted. Illusion or delusion, really. He's beginning to see that throwing his body at man after man was not the statement of control he had convinced himself it was. It was his choice, he'd told himself. It was different because now he got to choose. So why didn't any of them ask?

"Yes," Valoren breathes. He waits a moment, then lets his eyes drift close, and moves in to kiss Apollo.

Apollo presses forward slowly, wanting to be gentle, but from the first moment their lips touch, he wants more, going back in over and over again until they're fully making out. And yet, it's casual and almost sweet, like they have all the time in the world with each other. Apollo is reluctant to pull away, but he has to eventually.

"Sleep well, Valoren," Apollo whispers, pressing another soft kiss to his head.

Apollo wakes up earlier than he would have preferred, beholden to his internal clock. Valoren, however, is snoozing peacefully away next to him. Apollo notes with amusement that the two of them are cuddled together nearly to the edge on his side of the bed, with Simon sprawled inconveniently over 75% of it.

The little beast yawns and stretches silently as Apollo carefully untangles himself from Valoren's embrace without waking him up. He doesn't even stir as Apollo pulls on his clothes from last night. Apollo stands there for a few moments, just admiring how peaceful Valoren looks when he sleeps. And how breathtakingly beautiful he is...

Apollo is loathe to leave him, but he doesn't want to wake him up, mostly because he doesn't know if he'll be able to leave if Valoren looks at him with those big violet eyes. And he's got work—three grueling days of overtime await him. And yet, Apollo doesn't dread it as much as he should, like his battery has been fully recharged.

Good morning, gorgeous. I hope you can forgive me for sneaking out on you without a word, but I just couldn't wake you after the night you had. I've got work, unfortunately, so I had to head home. I'm going to be swamped at work for the next few days, but here's my number. Next coffee's on me, alright?

Valoren doesn't wake up until some time after sunrise. When was the last time he'd slept in like this? He doesn't know. Lazily, he rolls over and instinctively reaches for...

The empty bed has long since gone cold.

In a hazy rush, Valoren stumbles out of bed and into his apartment. "Apollo?" he calls out, voice rough from sleep. "Apollo? Are you still here? Apollo? ... Apollo?"

And then he sees the note on his counter. It's a struggle to read the last lines through the tears that have blurred his vision.

For the first time since the day he considers his own death, Valoren cries. He sinks to the floor in the corner of the kitchen, note clutched to his chest like a life preserver, and sobs. It's ugly. Silent screams are ripped from his throat as he claws at his own arms. He can't think through the overwhelming hurt. His heart must have torn itself from his chest and set off after Apollo, trailing gore behind it. That's the only explanation for the intensity of the emotion he feels right now.

He doesn't know how long he sits there. But, eventually, his bawling turns to sniffling, and then to silence.

Simon comes and finds him. Valoren realizes it's well past time for the cat's breakfast. His head feels thick as he robotically stands and feeds his pet. Then he walks back to his empty bed and lies there. It's some time before sleep takes pity on him. When he wakes, he's still fucking miserable and alone.

Apollo, come home.

Apollo's never had strong feelings regarding his job, but now he's really starting to hate it.

Overtime used to be a good thing for him—earning more money in exchange for wearing out his body just a little bit more was always worth it to him. But now he hates it for keeping him away from Valoren. When he's not working, he's utterly exhausted, throwing together haphazard meals before collapsing into bed. And the whole time, he can't stop thinking about the man whose couch he fell asleep on.

He hasn't texted, which worries Apollo. He considers sending a message on Grindr, but if Valoren wanted to talk to him, surely he would have used Apollo's phone number by now? Apollo's usually-mindless working hours are filled with anxiety, mulling over what it could mean. Is Valoren angry at him for leaving without saying goodbye? Did he find Apollo ultimately lacking? Does he think Apollo's some weird old lonely freak who drops everything just to cuddle someone half his age?

Even worse, was Valoren simply not thinking about him? That idea, more than anything, tears at Apollo the most, and he wishes he didn't know what that feeling meant.

Finally, finally, Apollo makes it to his hard-earned day off. He stumbles into his small, shitty apartment after his shift, half-delirious from exhaustion to the point where he's not thinking straight. He considers sending Valoren a DM, but he knows nothing he has to say right now is coherent. He falls asleep with his phone in his hand, Valoren's profile picture pulled up on the screen.

Valoren doesn't know if it's self-medication or self-destruction he's attempting. Either way, it's not working. Agreeing to hookup after hookup only expands the void in his chest. He tries to imagine they're Apollo, but it's an impossible ruse. Apollo asked.

Now that he's allowed himself to cry once, it's like the floodgates have opened, and now he's sobbing so often his last lay thought he was a stoner.

It's not until after he deletes his dating app accounts on the third night that he realizes how badly he fucked up. Apollo's note had been too badly marred by his breakdown to read the number, so he'd just snipped their last line of communication.

There are many sane and normal ways to resolve this situation. Valoren chooses none of them.

It's close to three in the morning Elinor's time when Valoren cold-calls her. She picks up on the second ring.

"Morning, Vallie! Don't tell me you're stuck on a chapter, too. I've been wrestling with this paragraph, and—"

"Elinor."

"Hmm?"

"I need your help."

When Valoren wakes up at six, Elinor has already found Apollo. She's sent Valoren a message with home address, place of employment, and... is that a screenshot of security camera footage?? She also warns Valoren about Apollo's ex-wife. "If her social media are anything to go by, this Gwynn is a worthy opponent. I hate her already."

Valoren replies with profuse gratitude and no small amount of concern. Then he's jumping into the shower, going through his entire beauty routine, and putting on an outfit he'd been saving for something special. He stops at the farmer's market to pick up a bouquet of flowers — sunflowers mixed with baby's breath and white roses — and then he shows up at Apollo's door. It's almost eight in the morning. He has to be awake, right? What if he's not? Or what if he's away? What if he skipped his day off?

Valoren knocks softly on the door.

Apollo is awake, but barely. He's making coffee and contemplating going back to sleep when Valoren knocks. Who the fuck would be here this early... ? He contemplates ignoring them and pretending he isn't home, but the idea makes him oddly uncomfortable. Could be a neighbor asking for help. And if it's a solicitor, you can just shut the door.

Apollo opens the door to an angel. Or maybe a hallucination.

"Valoren?" Apollo blurts. His waking fantasy for the past 72 hours is standing in his doorway, looking lovely and put together, and holding flowers, for fuck's sake. The only thing Apollo's wearing are gray sweatpants and bed head. It feels illegal to subject Valoren to Apollo's squalid living quarters, but he beckons Valoren in anyway. "Please, come in. I'm sorry, I just woke up—but I'm making coffee, if you want some." Apollo hasn't yet determined whether he's awake or having a very realistic dream, but either way, he's glad to see Valoren.

Apollo's apartment is neat, just... run-down. Valoren's place had been a lot more humble than Apollo expected, but it's leaps and bounds better than Apollo's. "How, uh... how are you doing? What have you been up to?" Apollo's so flustered by Valoren's sudden appearance and the absolute state of where he lives that he doesn't yet realize that he never told Valoren where he lives.

Of all the things for Apollo to answer the door wearing, Valoren thinks those sweatpants are the sexiest possible option. There's very little left to the imagination, but Valoren's mind wanders anyway.

He can't help but be surprised as Apollo welcomes him in. So all the time he'd spent mentally rehearsing to answer Apollo's potential questions wasn't needed? Probably just as well, seeing as he hadn't come up with very satisfactory replies anyway. It's a touch difficult when your response to "how did you find where I live and why are you here?" is that you did some light stalking.

Apollo's apartment is cozy. It actually feels like a home in a way Valoren's didn't. Like somebody is living here instead of just staying for a while.

"Coffee sounds lovely. Do you have a vase for these? They're for you." No shit, Captain Obvious. "I've been... well, I've been," Valoren laughs awkwardly. That was probably a question he should've prepared for. "I chatted with an author friend of mine. She's been having writer's block, too. It was nice to catch up, since we hadn't in a while." Valoren doesn't add that this 'catching up' involved blubbering about Apollo at one in the morning.

Not that Apollo expects Valoren to admit it, but Valoren's seeming nonchalance about their lack of contact is a little disheartening. I guess I'm the only one here with so little going on that I fixate on a man I just met.

"Glad to hear you've been taking care of yourself," Apollo says, smiling as he pours Valoren some subpar bean brew. "I, uh, don't have a vase on hand, but I probably have a tall takeout container or two." He slides a mug over to Valoren on the countertop and opens his fridge. "I've got some milk, if you'd like some? I usually don't put anything into my coffee at home, so I don't have anything fancy, I'm afraid."

"Just a little sugar, please." Valoren warms his hands around the coffee mug, watching Apollo's sweatpant-clad ass with about as much subtlety as a neon sign. "The flowers are fresh, so they should be fine without water for now. I've got some vases that have been busy collecting dust on top of my fridge, which I'm realizing now I should have brought with me... ah, well. I'll remember next time."

Valoren can't tell if Apollo actually doesn't realize he's been stalked, or if he's just that chill about it. Surely he would've said something, right? "I, er, I'm sorry about dropping in unannounced. But, well, your note got spilled on, and apparently you can't restore deleted Grindr accounts, so..."

Does that mean Valoren plans on coming back here? I had better take care of these flowers... Apollo grabs the bag of sugar — and a spoon. "It's no worry at all."

Apollo actually perks up a little when Valoren admits why he hasn't called. "Oh, I was worried I had offended you in some way. I'm just glad you came by when I happened to be home." He looks momentarily puzzled. Apollo is 100% sure he never told Valoren where he lived, and yet here he is. At first, Apollo had thought it touching that the man appeared at his door with flowers like a fairytale prince, but now it seems a bit more troubling.

Apollo gives Valoren a little sideglance, who appears to be nonchalantly sipping his coffee. He doesn't seem dangerous, and if he had wanted to murder Apollo, wouldn't he have done it the night he stayed over? To Apollo's horror, he finds himself actually flattered that Valoren went to all that effort to find him. Jesus Christ, he really is a loser...although he can't help but feel that if he were to be murdered by anyone, he wouldn't mind if it was Valoren.

Instead of confronting Valoren about what was almost certainly stalking, Apollo says what he really wants to know. "Today's my day off...if you'd like to maybe grab some breakfast together?"

Ah, and there it is. Apollo's face goes through several different emotions in rapid succession as he processes that Valoren had actively tracked him down and invited himself over. In the end, his expression settles on something best described as cautiously endeared. Valoren lights up at the question.

"I was hoping you might say that!" he beams. "Did you have somewhere in mind? Clover is mostly pastries and coffee, so if you're hoping for something hardier like I am, then we'll have to go elsewhere. I don't know about you, but I would kill for a good eggs benedict! Hey, what about Edelweiss Bistro? My treat, of course." The place he'd mentioned is certainly not cheap, but unlike many other fancy restaurants, the food actually lived up to its price tag. It's Valoren's "little treat' spot of choice. And... Apollo seems like he could really do with a nice little treat.

Just by the name, Apollo can tell it's a place he can't afford. But if Valoren is offering to pay, then he may as well indulge the man.

It happens once they're already sat down, with Apollo squinting at the menu prices. Twenty-four for an eggs Benedict is insane, he thinks, disgruntled. Out of the corner of his eye, Valoren freezes, his eyes fixed elsewhere in the diner. "Valoren?" he asks, sitting up straight and scanning their surroundings, but he can't tell anything's amiss.

It can't be Michael. Could it? He hasn't noticed Valoren yet. It looks like him. But he should be at college, not here, not now, not when Valoren thought he was safe. Oh god, what can he do? His fight or flight has kicked in full force, but Valoren can only freeze. At least he hasn't eaten yet, because his stomach has seized up with panic. He can barely breathe as the man glances up at a waitress, turning towards Valoren's direction. His pulse skyrockets, drumming in his ears and drowning out the chatter of the cafe. They make eye contact, and Valoren knows...

It's not Michael.

Dimly, Valoren becomes aware that Apollo is saying his name. He blinks, still disoriented and in survival mode.

"Yeah?" he says. His own voice sounds like he's underwater. Drowning.

"Hey, you look really shaken." Apollo sets down the menu and puts a hand over Valoren's, squeezing it reassuringly. "Do you recognize someone here?"

"I... I thought so," Valoren says, taking an uncertain breath. "It's not him, but..." He keeps glancing over at the man who's not Michael, who's blessedly oblivious to the nervous looks. Valoren's hands are trembling under Apollo's, but having the other man here - his presence, his touch - helps to ground him. It's okay. I'm safe. "It looks like him," Valoren mutters.

"Do you want to leave?" Apollo asks. Valoren looks like he's considering it before shaking his head.

The meal is tense after that, but not for long. To distract Valoren, Apollo launches into funny anecdotes about his daughter as they wait for their food. They're about halfway into eating when Apollo's phone buzzes with a text.

He checks it, if only to mute it, but he heaves a sigh when he recognizes the ID. "I'm sorry," he says to Valoren. "It's my ex. Probably something about my daughter." He swipes up to read the message.

Work emergency. Rowan's at the dentist. Pick up Cassie in 15

Apollo groans. "I have to go pick up my daughter."

Valoren tries not to let his relief show. As much as he enjoyed Apollo's company, he couldn't seem to shake off the tension that had settled heavily around his shoulders. It would be rude to cut their date short, but what Valoren really needed was a private space and a good distraction. This conveniently provided both.

"After all you've told me about her, I can't wait to meet her!" And my opponent, he adds mentally. "Let's take these to go, shall we?" He flags down a server for boxes and the check before Apollo can protest. As they pass by the exit, Valoren snags a complementary amaretto cookie. Kids like sweets, right?

With Apollo's commendable co-piloting and Valoren driving his classic BMW like he stole it, they make it across the city in record time and pull up to Gwynn's house just as she's power-walking out the door. Shitdamnit, of course she's a supermodel. Her house is the kind of slick McMansion that towers above the otherwise cozy residential area. Valoren scrunches up his face as he spies a black Mercedes in the driveway. He revs his engine just a tiny bit to make himself feel better before stepping out of the car.

"Daddy!" Apollo always looks tired, but years of stress lift from his face when he sees his daughter running towards him.

"Hey there, cutie pie," he says, giving her a hug. Apollo lives in fear of Cassie's preteen and teenage years driving a wedge between them and putting the final nail in his custody coffin, but for now, that doesn't seem to be happening. "How has school been? Do you like your teachers?"

"Who is this?" Gwynn demands, eyeing first Valoren's car before turning an appraising eye to the man himself.

"Oh, this is my, er... " What is Valoren to him, anyway? They're surely not just friends, but Apollo can't assume they're more right this second. He opts to explain why he brought a stranger to pick his daughter up. "Valoren and I just came from a date."

As Gwynn sizes him up, Valoren is doing the same. It's like two chess masters analyzing their adversary... or perhaps two feral cats about to fight under a bridge. Valoren already knows that Elinor's warning is accurate. This lady means business, and Valoren already wants to give it to her. Time to bring his A-game.

He lays a very intentional hand on Apollo's arm, patting him firmly. Just roll with it. Valoren hopes his message is clear.

"I'm Apollo's partner," Valoren purrs smoothly. "As he said, I'm Valoren. What a delight to meet the two women I've heard so much about!" Valoren keeps eye contact with Gwynn as he says this, the malicious spark in her eyes matched by his own. Then he glances away to bring out the cookie he'd grabbed. "Cassie, this is for you!"

Partner... ? Apollo short circuits for a moment before realizing Valoren's up to no good. Or rather, a ploy that is good. Quickly, Apollo relaxes and gives Valoren a smile he hopes is convincing enough. The affection in his expression definitely isn't genuine, and is just part of the bit. Of course.

Cassie stares longingly at the proffered cookie, looking to Apollo for confirmation before gleefully claiming her treat. "What do we say... ?" Apollo prompts her.

"Thank you, mister Val! I've always wanted to have two mommies and two dads," Cassie says cheerfully before skipping away to ooh and aah at Valoren's unusual-looking car. Apollo has to quickly stifle his reaction to her bold assumption, because Gwynn looks pissed, and he doesn't want to risk setting her off.

"I... hope you and Rowan are doing well," Apollo says awkwardly. He finds himself learning towards Valoren a little, like his body craves being close to him.

Valoren has to suppress a cackle at Cassie's reaction. Oh, he liked this kid. Not only had she apparently led him back to Apollo, she was just as devious as she was brilliant. Maybe she would turn out like Elinor after all.

"Rowan and I are well enough," Gwynn replies tersely. "We're looking forward to Thanksgiving together with Cassie. As a family." There's a vitriol to her voice that tells Valoren he's missing some story, and Apollo leaning into Valoren only confirms that theory. Valoren easily slips an arm around Apollo's waist, as natural as anything.

"As are we!" Valoren declares. "We'll be traveling to see my family. My sister will be back from Europe, so it makes a good opportunity to introduce her to Apollo."

"Isn't that nice," Gwynn sneers. "Well, the office needs me. Have a nice day." She practically hisses the last words. "Cassie, I'm leaving. Come give Mommy a hug."

The kid is totally absorbed in checking out Valoren's car. She looks like she's considering crawling under it. In response to her mother, Cassie sticks a middle finger in her general direction. "Val, can you open the hood? What kinda engine do you have? I wanna see!"

Gwynn gasps as though she's been slapped. "Cassandra Allegria Duskwraith, where did you learn that obscene gesture?!"

"Watching you road rage," Cassie replies smugly. Gwynn looks like a tea kettle about to start shrieking.

"Don't do it again," she snaps. And with one last venomous glance at Valoren, Hurricane Gwynnevaera storms off elsewhere.

Apollo has visibly drooped at the mention of Thanksgiving, but he's clearly not up to talking about it with Cassie around. He looks much more cheerful as Gwynn storms off, turning to his curious daughter.

"Cassie, you can't flip your mother off," Apollo scolds her, but there's no bite to it. Cassie simply grins widely and tries to climb under the car again. "Also, she'll be mad if you get covered in motor oil... "

After Cassie has had her fill of Valoren's nifty car, she scoots into the back and pulls out a little pink laptop. Apollo briefly peers at it as he's sliding into shotgun. "Still writing?" he asks. "When do I get to read some of it?"

"Never. I'm writing about gay men," Cassie says firmly. She glances at Valoren. "Well. I guess that doesn't weird you out anymore."

"It didn't before." "Well I'm not showing you!" Apollo shrugs helplessly at Valoren.

"Valoren is a writer too, you know. He's published." Cassie looks at Valoren with fresh admiration.

"It's true!" Valoren says. "I have my own editor and everything! I've only published one book so far, but I'm working on another one."

"It's not one of those lame adult books where there's no story and they just get naked, is it?"

Valoren can't help but chuckle at that. "Nope! It starts out looking like it might be one, but then it turns into a mystery! Somebody gets murdered."

"Whoah! That's actually cool!" Cassie sounds begrudgingly impressed. "My moms only read boring stuff, and Dad won't let me see what he reads. Can I read your book? Pretty pretty pretty pleeeeeease?"

Valoren looks to Apollo, who shrugs and nods.

"Well, if it's okay with your dad, then maybe he can let you borrow his copy. And I'd like to read some of your work, too." Valoren gets that spark in his eyes. A scheme is on the horizon. "Hey, what do you think about the two of us starting a writer's workshop? We can read each other's writing, give feedback, and brainstorm new ideas! It can be like a book club, too, so your dad can join us. We'll make special tea and biscuits! What do you say?"

"We could probably bake some cookies if you want... and there's one of those fancy tea shops we drive by all the time." Apollo looks so genuinely happy as Cassie cheers in the backseat.

"Thank you," Apollo murmurs, squeezing Valoren's hand once they're both back in the car. Impulsively, he leans forward and gives Valoren a peck on the cheek. It feels so... domestic, even though Apollo just met this man —. Apollo is apprehensive about introducing someone who just stopped being a stranger to his daughter, but there's a glow in his chest that won't dim.

Valoren catches Apollo by the collar and pulls him in for a proper kiss. He's not quite quick enough to escape Cassie's notice, who giggles impishly as she hops into the back seat.

"Awww!" she taunts. "Daddy and Valoren, sitting in a tree~"

Valoren laughs. He's never been fond of kids, but Cassie seems to be an exception. Especially with how Apollo lights up around her, it's hard not to let her grow on him.

They take the freeway on the way back to Valoren's apartment. He's driving at a careful pace, but making plenty of noise about it; accelerating zero to sixty in no time still kept them below the speed limit, and it got Cassie to giggle and squeal like they were on a roller coaster.

Valoren scoops up Simon immediately when they get home, but it's unnecessary. He's not quite as lovey-dovey as he is with Apollo, but he still clearly likes Cassie — enough to not maul her, anyway. For her part, Cassie adores Simon. "He's so UGLY he's CUTE!" she declared. Simon let himself be squeezed like a toy without protest, which reaffirms that he really does like her.

Baking is a blast. Valoren has just the recipe for a rich, crunchy tea biscuit, which only results in some flour sprinkling his dark hair. They sit down for a book club with all the decorum of a proper royal tea party. Cassie's writing is remarkably clever, and even more surprising, involves characters from a video game Valoren loves. They eagerly chat back and forth at a pace that leaves Apollo's head spinning. It's some hours before they've run out of steam. Apollo helps Valoren clean up the kitchen while Cassie is on Simon duty in the living room. Even cleaning is made fun with the Frank Sinatra album playing in the background. Valoren boops Apollo on the nose with soap bubbles. He can't remember the last time he felt this much joy.

As the record spins to a close and the dishes are left to dry, it's apparent that the living room has gotten awfully quiet. Peeking in reveals Cassie asleep on the couch, with Simon snoozing on top of her. Valoren can't help but smile; she's in the exact same position her father had fallen asleep in on that very same couch.

Quietly, Valoren pulls Apollo into his home office and shuts the door. "It's completely soundproofed," he explains softly. "I had intended to do my writing in here, but it turns out I need background noise to focus. We don't need to worry about waking her."

Apollo surprises himself by immediately pulling Valoren into a kiss. "Thank you," he murmurs. "I try to talk to her about what she likes, but I also try not to pry. She really likes talking to you."

Valoren isn't as surprised as Apollo by the easily affectionate gesture. He absolutely melts into the taller man's arms, lips trailing after Apollo when he pulls back to speak. "No need to thank me." He gives Apollo another little peck. "You're raising a good kid." He follows with a longer kiss, locking their lips together and drinking in Apollo's closeness.

"I think Gwynn's raising her more than I am at this point," Apollo sighs. "But I appreciate it. And you're making it that much easier." He studies Valoren's face, brushing a finger against his cheek and sighing. He's just so beautiful. How did I get this far?

"About what happened earlier," Apollo says hesitantly, not wanting to ruin the moment. "That was a bit in front of Gwynn, right? About being partners?"

"I... ah." Valoren rests his cheek in Apollo's hand. His face feels warm, even against the heat of Apollo's skin. "It had been intended as such, yes. With what I've seen of Gwynn, and how she's tried to keep Cassie from you, I wanted to help, and I thought... well. She seemed to buy it, anyway." Valoren presses a soft kiss to Apollo's palm. "But.... I mean, I know I've known you for all of forev- four, uh, very... um... days... fuck," Valoren sighs. His ears are definitely burning now. "It doesn't have to be," he mutters.

Apollo is sure his face is about to catch fire, but that's nowhere near his main concern right now. "I'll be honest, I don't know what you see in me... you deserve much better." Apollo takes one of Valoren's hands in his and presses a kiss to the back of it. "But if you're willing to give me a chance, then I'm willing to put in the effort to deserve you." Sure, they've only known each other for four days, and again, Valoren has most definitely stalked him. But Apollo is in too deep, and apparently he's only partly learned his lesson when it comes to beautiful people with dark hair and a million red flags.

Weirdly enough, the stalking is a good sign. In hindsight, Gwynn's aloofness that Apollo had taken as her being coy was really just indifference. At least this time around Valoren is actually interested in Apollo. —

Apollo pulls Valoren to him again, kissing him hungrily, desperately. He's slowly moving his hand up Valoren's thigh when a sharp knocking comes at the door.

Apollo pulls away with a frustrated grunt. "That must be Cassie."

Valoren sneaks in one last kiss on Apollo's neck. "At least she knocked. Good self preservation instinct," Valoren murmurs, smiling. "We'll pick this up when I take you home." He puts a modest distance between the two of them before opening the door.

Cassie is there, holding Simon in her arms like a stuffed animal. "Mama Ro texted me. She's home from the dentist." Cassie yawns, clearly still tuckered out. "She said I can go back to Gwynn's house now."

The drive is relatively sedate. Cassie dozes in the back seat, and the silence between Apollo and Valoren is entirely comfortable. They wait to make sure Cassie makes it through the door before driving away. And then it's just the two of them.

Valoren is earning that strike on his license with the degree of distraction he's driven to. He keeps sneaking little glances at Apollo, who gently redirects his attention. "I can't help it when you're that gorgeous," Valoren says with a shy smile. "Can't a man admire the view?"

"Not when he's driving. Eyes on the road, please." Apollo pats Valoren's thigh.

Valoren huffs, but he's still smiling. Especially because Apollo's hand stays there.

They make it all the way back to Apollo's apartment without being pulled over — or needing to pull over themselves. Then Valoren can no longer keep his hands off his lover. As they ride the rickety elevator up, Valoren slides a hand into Apollo's back pocket. Warm.

It doesn't take long for Apollo to unlock his door, but Valoren has surely never experienced more agonizingly slow individual seconds in his life. Apollo is just flicking the lock behind them when Valoren slides his arms around his neck and yanks him in for a kiss. Their hips meet before their lips do, Valoren grinding on him with surprising force for such a scrawny man. Valoren can hardly think through all the desire. I want to be inside of you. Now.

Apollo gasps, reciprocating Valoren's energy and grinding right back. He can feel how hard Valoren is, and the size of it both alarms him and takes his breath away. It's all Apollo can do to kick his shoes off while he kisses Valoren like his life depends on it.

"I should tell you," he says, pulling away with his cheeks flushed. "I, uh, haven't been with a man before."

Valoren nuzzles against Apollo's neck. "I thought as much," he smiles softly. "We'll take it slow, alright? If you want to stop, or take a break, or do something differently, just tell me." Valoren steals another kiss from Apollo's lips. "Follow my lead, love. I'll take care of you."

True to his word, Valoren is as gentle as he can be with Apollo. Out of the countless others he'd slept with — god, it had to be triple digits by now — he's certain that he's had no love like Apollo's. Though the older man tenses up when Valoren enters him, and the first slow thrusts make him whimper and gasp, all he says is, "more, please."

It's dark out by the time the two are spent. Valoren flops, exhausted, on top of Apollo. Their heavy breathing slows in sync as they recover. Valoren finds himself comforted by Apollo's heartbeat. He beams up at Apollo, absolutely lovestruck. He's too delirious to deny it right now, and there's no point in doing so anyway. God, I love him. How could I not? I love him like the moon loves the sun. He presses a gentle kiss to Apollo's collarbone. Does he know?

Apollo's ass is really sore.

Valoren had been so gentle with him, and Apollo had enjoyed himself. But he's really going to have to start getting used to that, as fun as it is. And the way Valoren is looking up at him right now...Apollo would do anything for the man in his arms. He pushes some of Valoren's hair out of his face and cups his cheek. Apollo's sure he must look helplessly in love with him, but now he's wondering if that would be such a bad thing.

"I think this is what they mean by love at first sight," Apollo murmurs quietly, not even really thinking about the fact that Valoren can surely hear him.